The Five Star Read and The First Kiss

Your monthly mix of book recs, updates, and things I'm still embarrassed about.

The Media Moment

I’ve read and listened to a lot of books since we last chatted, but the one that’s been living rent-free in my head is Wally Lamb’s The River is Waiting. Y’all, I don’t even know where to begin with this one.

First of all, it’s easily one of the best books I have ever read. Seriously, top five. The character development in this novel was outstanding. The way I went from absolutely despising Corby, the main character, to falling completely in love with him was just magnificent.

The story follows Corby, a dad of twin toddlers, who loses his job and spirals into prescription drug abuse and alcoholism. An enormous, jaw-dropping tragedy occurs early on (I love it when that happens) which he’s solely responsible for. It completely turns his life upside down and sets him on a path we, as the reader, never see coming.

I’ve finished several books since this one, and usually, I can’t remember the details once I’ve moved on. But let me tell you, I remember every gut-wrenching detail of this book, from beginning to end, and I can still feel each one deep in my soul. The ending left me sobbing, literally, and shocked that a book could shock me at this level.

Please, please read this book. Yes, it devastated me and left me inconsolable for about twenty-four hours, but it also reached inside my body and touched my heart like no book ever has. Lamb’s character, Corby, did that. He opened my eyes to things I’d never thought about before (sorry for being vague, but I don’t want to spoil anything). And he reassured me that we, as humans, are truly capable of not only surviving whatever the hell life throws our way, but of rising above it and allowing it to shape us into better humans because of it.

Five stars. I don’t give those out much. Just get this book immediately. For what it’s worth, I listened to this one and absolutely loved the narrator.

The Story

Behold: the story that was too awkward, even for the pages of my book. This little gem didn’t make the final cut of I’m Sorry I Cremated You, but I had to share. Please enjoy this extremely embarrassing story of my first kiss and my entire high school dating career. Brian, if you’re reading this, I’m single.

Brian walked me back to my family’s rented beach house one evening, after we had spent the afternoon on the beach together. I was 14 years old, on vacation at Emerald Isle with my family, and I felt nervous and anxious as we approached the house because I thought something might happen. I felt the electricity between us, and I liked it. I had never felt that before.

As we got closer to the house, we both saw the small outdoor shower used to wash the sand off before going upstairs. Brian and I looked at each other and slowly stepped inside, Brian shutting the wooden door behind us. He had on a pair of red swim trunks, and I was wearing a black bathing suit cover-up over my bright blue bikini. I slowly lifted the cover-up over my head and tossed it over the side of the shower door so that it fell onto the ground outside. I turned the water on, and the cold water began to fall on us.

Brian and I looked into each other’s eyes, our heads drifted toward each other, and our lips met. He put his arms around my shoulders, and we stood there kissing for about fifteen glorious minutes. He smelled like lavender, and his kisses tasted salty and sweet. Kissing felt so different on a real human being compared to the balloon I once used while pretending it was Patrick Swayze, or the times I practiced on my hand, pretending it was any number of cute boys at school. (Turns out, hands are terrible kissers.)

When we finished kissing, Brian turned the shower off, and I opened the door, grabbing my cover-up. I watched him walk down the street toward his family’s beach house and wondered if Brian was “the one.” Would we now fall in love and go steady, despite the fact that he lived in North Carolina and I lived in Georgia? Would we visit each other every weekend and take each other to school dances? Would we go to the same college and get married afterward?

Unfortunately, none of these things would happen. Though I gave Brian my phone number on a torn-off piece of notebook paper the next day, I never heard from him. I spent months and months waiting for the phone call that never came. (To be fair, he probably lost the paper—but it’s fine, I’m not bitter.)

A couple of years later, I finally had a few dates in high school. My first was with a boy named David, who was in band. Mom dropped me off at a coffee shop in the downtown Marietta Square, encouraging me to be myself and have fun. David was waiting outside when I arrived, and we awkwardly hugged before walking inside to get coffee. He paid, which I thought was very cool, and we took our drinks outside to the quaint little patio full of twinkling lights and wrought-iron furniture.

Decent conversation followed, but there were many long moments of silence, which I found unnerving. I had no idea what to say to David, and he had no idea what to say to me. After we finished our coffees, we hugged goodbye (again, awkwardly) and never went out again.

A few months later, a boy from church named Todd took me on a real date—dinner and a movie, just like on TV. We went to a Chinese restaurant I knew well because my parents and I went there often, and Todd talked my ear off. He was a couple of years older than me and had a lot more to say. He talked and talked, and I was bored to death. The only time he wasn’t talking was when he was chewing and even then, he managed to get a few words out. I sat there staring across the table, trying my hardest to feel some sort of electricity toward him, like I’d felt with Brian at the beach. Todd was cute, but I felt nothing.

After dinner, Todd took me to see Forrest Gump at a nearby theater. He bought us buttered popcorn and sodas, and as we sat in the dark, he slowly placed his hand on mine, which was resting on my left thigh. He intertwined his fingers through mine, and we held hands. My hand immediately started sweating, and I felt frozen—unable to move a muscle, silently begging God for him to remove his hand. We sat that way for what seemed like a lifetime, and when the movie was over, Todd tried to kiss me outside the theater.

I allowed him a quick kiss on the lips but ended it fast, signaling that there would be no tongue involved in this interaction. I never went out with Todd again and wondered if I’d ever feel that magic spark again—the one I felt with Brian in the outdoor shower at the beach.

When I got home from my date with Todd, Mom was waiting up for me. She was lying in the recliner in the living room, wearing her soft pink bathrobe, with a cat on her lap. She asked how the date went, and I told her it was fine but that I didn’t think I felt a spark with Todd, which made me sad. Mom then uttered the words she’d use for the rest of her life when consoling me after a bad date or broken relationship:
“You have to kiss a lot of frogs, Jaclyn.”

If she only knew…

The Update

Where Have I Been?

The last couple of months have been a whirlwind, and I’m sorry for being a bit missing in action on Substack! I’ve been a guest on several wonderful podcasts and can’t wait to share the episodes with you when they come out. (P.S. Being a guest is one of my favorite things to do, so if you have a podcast and want an adorably quirky guest who talks about life, death, and finding the funny along the way, hit me up!)

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My New Role with the SC Alzheimer’s Association

I’m thrilled to announce that I’ve officially become a Community Speaker for the South Carolina Alzheimer’s Association! This is a topic I feel passionate about, as both my mom and dad suffered from dementia. I gave my first talk a couple of weeks ago on the 10 warning signs of Alzheimer’s.

This disease is a taboo topic, and it shouldn’t be. I want to raise awareness so that people feel more comfortable seeking help. Early detection is crucial because there are so many incredible treatments available now, and I know my parents were standing proudly behind me as I gave that first talk.

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A Special Performance

I have some really fun news: I’m in a theater production here in Charleston on October 14th at Pure Theatre called Pass the Mic for Perimenopause. Once again, I find myself drawn to talking more openly about a taboo topic that’s so important and often ignored.

There are two shows, and a few tickets remain for the second one, so grab one and come see me read something special I wrote for the occasion! If you’re not in Charleston, you can also get a livestream ticket. It’s sure to be a tremendously moving evening celebrating women of all ages, especially us middle-aged ones!

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Thank You for Your Support

Thanks for being patient with me during this brief hiatus. It’s all been incredible stuff that I’ve wanted my whole life, so I’m not complaining, just trying to figure out how to juggle it all. I’m sure most of you can relate; we always seem to be juggling too much, don’t we?

As always, thank you for your support. I truly couldn’t do this without you.

Jaclyn XXOO